The Same, but for Very Different Reasons

IT’S ALL ABOUT WHAT MOTIVATES

Do not be surprised when you discover that you have a significant behavior or tendency in common with someone, who otherwise, has a very different personality than yours.  Several behaviors are shared on the personality chart, but for different reasons.  Understanding the motivation behind behavior is important in order to correctly identify true personality type.  I have put traits that generally trip people up in bold type.

Both the Popular Sanguine and the Powerful Choleric are talkative.  Sanguines are telling stories, creating small talk and sharing new ideas in order to meet their emotional need for attention.  On the other hand, cholerics are talking with purpose — giving instruction, asking questions, providing their solutions and getting down to business in order to get something marked off their to-do list.

These two personalities are also both natural leaders whom others follow.  Sanguines lead because people are drawn to their enthusiasm and constant activity.  Sanguines draw a crowd, which quickly becomes an audience.  Cholerics lead because they must.  They need followers in order to accomplish their purpose or project, and so they have a commanding personality.

One last thing the optimistic Sanguine and Choleric have in common is denial.   Sanguines do not particularly like to focus on things that are not fun, and Cholerics struggle deeply with admitting faults or wanting to identify another thing they will have to fix.

The Popular Sanguine also has commonalities with the Peaceful Phlegmatic.  Both personalities are often associated with playfulness.  Sanguines love to relieve stress through play.  Phlegmatics also like to play through quiet, calm activity where they can sit down in contrast to the sanguine who plays loud and with others in a rouse of activity.

A negative trait these two personalities share is laziness.  Sanguines prefer fun over work.  Period.  Phlegmatics are low-energy people who are not spurred to action until it becomes necessary.

The Peaceful Phlegmatic also shares a few behaviors with the other introverted personality, the Perfect Melancholy.  Both are fearful, quiet and cautious.  By nature, phlegmatics are more quick to retreat than the other personalities, so they often find themselves being bullied or pressured into uncomfortable situations where they are forced to pick a side.  These experiences cause them to become fearful about “next time,” and they determine it is safer to stay home.  The Melancholy personality is constantly questioning life and pondering the “what-ifs?”  Fear dominates through all of the terrible scenarios that could happen rather than in the reality of what is.

Also, both the Peaceful Phlegmatic and Perfect Melancholy are quiet.  However, phlegmatics are not necessarily shy; they are just content to watch and listen.  They are not compelled to ask questions or give advice.  The melancholy, however, is a naturally shy person.  It is not that melancholies have nothing to say, but usually they are anxious about saying something in the wrong way and looking foolish.  They prefer writing over talking so that they can review their words before sending them forth.

These two are both cautious.  The phlegmatic always asks, “how much energy is this going to take?”  as well as “how much stress will this cause me?”  The melancholy is cautious because they want things to be done right, according to plan and well thought out.  They cannot risk looking unprepared or foolish to others.

Powerful Choleric and Perfect Melancholies share the workaholic tendency and are both controlling.   Starting with the latter, people almost always assume that if someone is controlling they must be choleric.  Not true.  Cholerics take control because they take real issue with wasting time, and they generally feel their way is the best way and any other way is “stupid.”  They have trouble submitting to someone else’s agenda, so they take control.  Melancholies, however, can also be a controlling force because of their fear that something will not be done perfectly and others will notice the imperfections.  So, they take control.  With the same goals in mind, both may become workaholics in order to accomplish their desires or to see to it that no one else messes things up.

Sanguines, Cholerics and Melancholies may all seem organized and neat.  Sanguines only appear to be organized and make sure everything is nice and tidy in appearance so that people will like them, be impressed and praise them for having their act together.  Cholerics are organized mostly for efficiency.  Remember, cholerics do not like to waste time by having to hunt for things that are necessary for production.  Melancholies are organized and neat regardless of whether or not they believe anyone will ever see it.  Their desire is perfection. If phlegmatics are organized and neat it is because someone is on their case about it and they are trying to avoid further conflict or because someone has stepped in and cleaned out their closet on their behalf.

This list does not exhaust every area that we may have in common with another personality type, but I hope you can see how we are often the same, but for different reasons.  To effectively apply the personalities to your relationships, you must look beyond the behavior to the motive.

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What’s Your Brand?

As I’m preparing today to speak on personal branding for an audience of administrative professionals, I opened my inbox this morning and found a fresh article by Ephesians Four Ministries.  I subscribe to their weekly devotionals.

This particular one was quite timely and a great personal reminder for me, the speaker, to get and keep her act together!

Personal branding moves us from wearing masks to wearing hats.  We all have many roles we play throughout our week.  The issue many have is that they are trying to balance all of their roles and end up wearing a mask.  They are pretentious in their actions and spend their days just trying to fake their way through.

I am a wife, mama, daughter, sister, friend, in-law, teacher, entrepreneur, business owner, volunteer, and speaker.  Rather than wearing a mask and faking genuineness, I try to focus on the role of the moment.  I don’t wear masks which attempt to hide who I really am.  Rather, I try to develop my character and strengthen my personal brand, so that who I am is consistent no matter which role I am in.  I have made the switch from wearing masks to wearing hats.

We cannot balance every role at all times.  It’s too much, too distracting and non-productive.  Rather, I change hats and attempt to dedicate my attention and mental strength on the hat of the moment.  This mental switch helps me listen and respond so much better.  Better behavior enhances my personal brand.  Granted, this approach is not always easy and their are days I just want to hide behind a mask and hope nobody notices.  We are all life in progress.

Here is a segment of the e-mail I mentioned above.  For more of the article, subscribe to their free e-mail list here http://msg1svc.net/servlet/FormListener?Y2dpOjE6TE4=

“Coca-Cola is the number one “brand” in the world. Companies spend millions of dollars making their brands known in business. They want you to recognize their brand. When you think of their brand they hope you will have positive thoughts in hopes it will influence your next purchasing decision.

Every individual has a personal “brand” whether you want it or not. Cultures have a brand. Ethnic groups have a brand. Your brand is defined by your conduct. If you are always late, you’ll soon develop a brand or reputation for being late. Others will even show up late because they know you will be late. If you are a person who exaggerates the truth, others will soon fail to take you serious.

However, the opposite can also be true. Your brand can be incredibly positive. By being a man or woman of your word, who is consistent in dealing fairly and honestly with others, your brand becomes known as someone who is faithful in all aspects of life”.

 

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.

 

Let Me Help You Get Organized and Save Money!

So, several years ago my husband and I read Dave Ramsey’s book, Total Money Makeover.  Nathan had become a regular listener to Ramsey’s nationally recognized radio program.  Through our Total Money Makeover experience, we discovered emeals.  Emeals is a meal planning system that I found extremely helpful.  As of yesterday, I learned there is now a new emeals APP!  I was so excited, I must share!

A quick history…

While my hubby and I were not in financial disarray, we had the desire to launch our own business.  This meant big changes. We wanted to be successful entrepreneurs and knew enough to know that most entrepreneurs fail.  Starting with no personal debt is what has allowed us to continue growing our businesses without the fear and pressure that comes with trying to keep all balls in the air.  Financial freedom is…well…it’s freeing.

That said, as a young wife, I needed help managing our grocery budget.  I barely knew anything about cooking, much less grocery shopping effectively or organizing meal plans for the week.  However, my husband desperately wanted to continue eating.  So, I needed a plan and I needed to spend as little money as possible.

That has not changed.

Today, we have added two children to the mix, I have come to enjoy cooking —sometimes — and use emeals often to do the work for me.  I think I like it most because it makes this Choleric/Sanguine look organized, efficient and food savvy.   I quickly learned that meal planning was a huge part of maintaining a tight grocery bill and keeping us on track financially.

Here are my top 10 reasons for recommending this to you:

1) It is totally done for me.

2) I can choose how we want to eat.  We have been on a low fat diet for years now.  You can choose everything from organic to low-carb to classic meals.

3) I can choose my grocery store.  Emeals helps you find the right brands, actually available at your store, to cook a meal that tastes good but costs little.

4) I can choose how many people I want to feed.  With pre-school age children, we are still able to eat off a menu for two.

5) The recipes are easy!  I hate using fancy cookbooks.  I never know what they are talking about.  Emeals keeps it simple and easy to follow.

6) I can easily eliminate meals I know my family won’t eat or when I know I won’t be cooking every night.

7) The plan updates everything automatically and accordingly, so I really don’t have to think too hard.

8) Perhaps my favorite part: the grocery list is itemized by department at the grocery store.  This makes it easy to find what I need, fast.  Very helpful with two toddlers in tow!

9) The menu tells you what staples you should already have.  A quick mental check or physical check and I never get home and get mad because I forgot something for a recipe.  (You know how that can frustrate a cook!?)

10) And now…everything is on the app!  I no longer have to print the menu and carry those papers around the store.  Yippee!  This makes me happy.  I can check things off the list, add extra things I need to pick up, like bread and milk, and I can quickly eliminate things I know I have at home with the delicate touch of my index finger.

Yep.  I’m a fan.  I’m sure there are similar meal plan systems on the market that are also good. But, if you are like me and you don’t have time to research it out…here’s the only link you need.  http://www.emeals.com/welcome/index.php?source=app

Or, search your app store.

Here’s to simplifying life!

 

 

 

Best speech on politics ever.

I just listened to Congressman Bob McEwen share this speech on politics in America.  I strongly urge you to take the time to listen and then share with as many people as possible!

http://www.drjamesdobson.org/Broadcasts/Broadcast?i=7695cc31-8b8e-4131-ba58-20d2507431e5

EAT HUMBLE PIE

Fellow personality trainer, Sue Thompson of Set Free Life Seminars, shared this article in her most recent newsletter and I had to share it with you.  It is a quick read and great reminder about TRUE humility, why it matters and how to have it.  Enjoy!

http://www.setfreelifeseminars.com/ExceptionalityMay2012.pdf

Etiquette Woes

I recently received certification as an expert in American Business Etiquette from the American Business Etiquette Trainers Association.  While I have practiced some etiquette techniques for years, I learned several new things through the hours of training in twenty different etiquette modules.  I am now more convinced that etiquette is the key element in growing your business.  The success of any business, large or small, hinges on relationships.   Etiquette opens the door by  helping you build rapport and immediate trust with others in business dealings.

However, to be perfectly honest, I am discovering that not all proper etiquette comes natural to me.  It is a skill I must consciously practice with the hope it will become habit.  What I love about the idea of etiquette and what continues to motivate me  is that it truly is about putting others first.  Studying the art of etiquette has given me appropriate tools for a professional environment to SHOW that I care.  It is true you know?  People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.

If you have a desire to help people and to make a positive difference through your business, hobbies or other passions, then I believe you cannot ignore your good manners skill set.  Good manners are tied to building good relationships and good relationships are tied to truly helping others grow and change.

“Let noting be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”  Philippians 2:3

4 Secrets to Effective Communication

I am currently in the process of studying proper business etiquette through the American Business Etiquette Trainers Association (ABETA).  Today, the topic of training was on effective communication.  As a personality trainer, I was intrigued by how closely their perspective related to the topic of personalities and character development.

Remember, highly successful people, in all types of professions, know this information and apply it!

Here are the four secrets to effective communication.

1) Effective communication is not about you.  It is about others.  Learn to listen and to suspend your thinking and judgement.  ABETA calls this “self-forgetting.”  I like that.  However, this is easier said than done for me!  My trainer also said something worth thinking about, “the listener is the one in control of the conversation.”  If I can just learn to truly listen, I can turn and guide the conversation in a positive and productive way.

2) Effective communication is being aware of what other people understand you to say.  In other words, you are actively perceiving what others are hearing you say.  We have all been in a situation when our intentions or our words were misunderstood.  As the effective communicator, it is your job to make sure they are getting you.

3) Effective communication is knowing and applying a conscious repertoire of effective nonverbal communication skills.  Your body language, facial expressions, posture and gestures are ALWAYS saying more than your mouth.  This is a skill I teach as a speaker trainer and one I have had to learn as a speaker.

4) Effective communication is about self-control and self-awareness.  Surprise, surprise.  Everything relating to personal growth, spiritual growth, character development and maturity boils down to these two things.  One thing that stuck with me in the training today was that self-control and self-awareness are signs of a great leader.  Technical skills alone will not help you get where you want to go, but practicing self-control and being self-aware certainly will.

All summed up, effective communication is this: speaking THEIR language.  This is where being able to identify someone’ s personality and communication style is ever important.  I’ll be discussing the connection in my newsletter at the end of this month!  If you’ve never signed up, it’s totally free.  Just go to my personal webpage and complete the form on the contact page.

Until next time, start listening.