|This is the article sent out in my Free Monthly Newsletter last month. For some reason, it did not post to this blog correctly, so here you go. It is a closer look at the Perfect or Proper Melancholy personality. (The BLUE one for those of you who learn in colors.) If you are not familiar with The Personalities, please visit my website and take the FREE 5-minute online personality assessment.
The Melancholy Personality
While the Sanguine personality type is the most obvious to identify, the Melancholy is the second most obvious as they are in stark contrast to the Sanguine. As you read, try to identify the melancholy in your life, understanding that you cannot change them. However, you can change your approach to them in order to improve your relationship.
If you identify yourself as Melancholy consider how you can best live in the avenue of your strengths and what steps you need to take to overcome and break through your weaknesses. Don’t be fooled, your weaknesses will get in the way of you reaching your greatest potential. The worst thing you can do is conclude, “Well, that’s just the way I am.” We are ALL a work in progress.
Here are 7 main points for you to know and expect about the Perfect or Proper Melancholy personality:
1) Admirable reservation. Melancholies are quiet, controlled, polite, detailed and introverted. They generally dress in a modest/conservative style and are neatly groomed, starched and sprayed. Not only do they have naturally quiet voices, they also only speak and share on a need-to-know basis. They value privacy and are content to keep to themselves. Unlike the sanguine, they do not feel the need to share and expose all of their personal information and thoughts. What a blessing!
2) Attention to detail. It seems the melancholy thinks of everything. These intellectuals help the group see long-term goals. They are the most organized of all the personality types having a place for everything and keeping everything in its place. They know when someone has touched their belongings. Melancholies are great planners and live by their schedules, incorporating all important and minor details into their overall strategies. They like using lists, charts and graphs as guides. I admire their ability to catch and prevent mistakes; however, too much attention to detail can become overwhelming to others and delay progress. It is important for the melancholy to learn to overlook items that may not be necessary for overall success.
3) Attempts at perfection. A Melancholy’s basic desire in life and motivation for doing most everything is to attain perfection. Whether it be in relationships, work projects, or domestic duties, the melancholy aims to do things the right way. They have very high standards and expectations for most everything. This desire explains why they prefer to work alone. After all, someone else will likely mess up the plan or do something the wrong way. This can make it very difficult to work alongside a melancholy personality type if you are not melancholy. Unrealistic expectations can make the melancholy very hard to please and add intense pressure to relationships. When things go imperfectly, the melancholy becomes the victim.
4) Admiration for magnificence. Because the melancholy is so detail oriented, they often have a deep appreciation for nature and its beauty. Many melancholies are super talented and creative, often artistic or musical. They are high achievers because of their self-discipline and desire for perfection. Generally, they strive to perfect their craft for the love of the art, rather than for the applause of an audience or to perform. Intense introspection may cause them to retreat or seem off in another world as they ponder and dream about ideals.
5) Attitude of compassion. Melancholy’s are naturally deeply concerned for others. They are very sensitive and often moved to tears with compassion. They are faithful and devoted companions although they generally hold back affection and are insecure in social environments. While they may feel for others, they rarely share those feelings and hesitate to reach out and take action, fearing they will not do the right thing and embarrass themselves.
6) Assumption in relationships. I already noted the melancholy’s desire for perfection. They exercise great caution in making friends because they are natural skeptics who are suspicious of the intentions of others. In relationships, melancholy’s are often seen as moody or depressed because they carry a dark cloud of disappointment when they do not agree with the actions or decisions of others. If a melancholy does not make a conscious decision to be positive, they may become critical, antagonistic and vengeful. They never forget an offense.
7) Altering emotions. Like the Sanguine, the melancholy is emotional. However, the Sanguine has extremely high highs and rare lows which are usually short-lived. In contrast, the Melancholy has extremely low lows and rare highs which are usually short-lived. To obtain and maintain emotional health, Melancholies need sensitivity and understanding, support when down, space and times of silence – meaning no people. I have found that the best thing you can do for the melancholy in your life, if you are not melancholy, is to slow down, sit down and shut up. Allow them to be immersed in their pain; don’t ignore them, but don’t try to jolly them up.
My challenge to you this month is that you take these seven things, one for each day of each week this month, and think about how you can use the information to build up your Melancholy relationships. They key will be actually doing something with the information. Perhaps you need to have a conversation laced with understanding, send an encouraging note or e-mail, relocate your Melancholy to a role that better suits them, or simply thank them for their help and attention to detail.
Or, if you are Melancholy, consider how you can make better decisions to change your bad habits, attitudes and communication style for a better you this month.
Remember, healthy relationships make for a happier, healthier more productive life. And besides that, people are worth it.