4 Steps to Resolutionize Your Life

If you are new here, welcome!

This month, my FREE Personality Newsletter was about how our personalities affect resolutions.  This article offers great support for this topic

As I seek to grow this blog, one thing I’d like to start doing more is sharing good information I find.  This article was written by a fellow Personality Trainer and Life Coach, Kathryn Robbins.  Enjoy!

The Holidays have come and gone, and for some, so have our New Year resolutions. It doesn’t take long to fall off the wagon. Why is that? What are resolutions anyway?

According to a dictionary definition, resolution is:
1. the act or an instance of resolving
2. something resolved or determined; decision
3. a formal expression of opinion by a meeting, esp. one agreed by a vote
4. the act or process of separating something into its constituent parts or elements

Many times our “resolutions” are nothing more than good intentions, but if we look at the definition again, it gives us step for making real and lasting resolutions.

1.  The act or an instance of resolving. Before you can resolve anything, there needs to be a problem. This requires taking a good look at where you are, how you got there and where you want to go. Looking back over past years is not a bad thing even if it is a bit painful. Adjustments are harder to make and have a greater failure rate if you have no idea where you are or where you want to go. The Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland said it best, “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.” The truth of the matter is each year builds on the other, so it’s logical to look back and take inventory.

Get out paper and a pencil and let’s make a few lists. Look back over the past year. In a word or two, describe how 2011 was for you?

2011 was ___________________.

Make two lists for these next questions, one for your business or career and one for the personal side of your life. Be honest as you formulate your answers. False humility or over inflated ego will not serve you well in this area, save that for the Oscars.

What are you MOST proud of accomplishing in 2011? Make a list of at least 5 things. Go ahead; pat yourself on the back. Chances are you worked hard for it.

What skills did you gain this year? Make a list of at least 5 things. The moment we stop learning, we stop growing, so – good job. Be proud of your accomplishments.

Where do you feel you blew it? Here’s where we will find our problem to resolve. Thomas Edison tested over 3000 filaments before he came up with his version of a practical light bulb, so let’s not think of blowing it as failure. We can look at it the same way Edison did, each time he tried and missed, he knew he was one step closer to finding the one that would work.

Our resolutions don’t have to be the same old ones everybody makes; lose weight, stop smoking, exercise more, yaddi-yaddi-yadda. Resolutions can also revolve around personal growth or relationships. Here’s where it is a good idea to know your personality type’s strengths and struggles. Let me give a typical problem for each personality type and show how personality strengths can aid learned skills in resolving personality problems or struggles.Click here to see chart.

Playful Sanguine: Problem – time management. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard a Playful say, “I really need to get my act together,” I’d be a rich woman. One of the strengths of a Playful is their ability to be creative – add today’s technology and a Playful can get a handle on their schedule. Most cell phones have an ability to set an alarm; they can even be set to repeat at the same time each day. A little ringy-dingy goes a long way.

Powerful Choleric: Problem - too brash. Powerfuls value honesty, but blatant honesty is like a laser blast to the eyeball – too harsh. A natural strength of a Powerful is their ability to fix almost anything, coupled with the learned skill of tolerance; you could have a wise sage on your hands, one who has the ability to see the solution and the maturity to say it in a way that is helpful.

Proper Melancholic: Problem – self-centeredness. Propers desire perfection or something close to it and people mess up their plans, so they like to go it alone, making sure their work is right and not becoming overly concern if others fail by their own inabilities. Their natural strength is the ability to analyze – think it through – do the research, unite that with the learned skill of assisting others and the world would be a much better place.

Peaceful Phlegmatic: Problem – procrastination. “I was just going to do that.” I’m thinking not. Peacefuls are known for their patience and long suffering, and if that is partnered with the skill of good work ethics, we would see a character worth its weight in gold.

Each resolution needs a problem. Review your blew it list, pick one struggle and work through the next steps.

2.  Something resolved or determined; decision. Now that we have taken a look back, let’s use that information to make a plan for moving forward. If we are lacking in resolve or determination about what we should do, or get talked into doing something that’s good for us, chances are we haven’t truly made the decision. It’s still just good intentions and the chance of success is greatly diminished.

Make an educated decision; know what you’re getting into. Be sure to listen to your heart as well, because our emotional needs will always win any power struggle waged in the subconscious mind. Feed the need and the rest will follow. Click here to see chart.

3.  A formal expression of opinion by a meeting, esp. one agreed by a vote.We all have a friend who at some time or another planned to do something stupid, and more than likely we tried to talk them out of it. When we bounce our thoughts and ideas off other people, we benefit from their experience and knowledge as well as our own. If most of the people in your life are telling you “don’t do it” or “go for it,” chances are they see things you don’t see. We either don’t see clearly, because we are too close to the situation, or we want what we want and there’s no talking us out of it. There really is safety in numbers.

For me, I have found group life coaching to be a great tool for making goals and decisions. The women in my group care about each other, but aren’t all up in each other’s business. This gives freedom to share, try, fail or succeed without embarrassment.

4. The act or process of separating something into its constituent parts or elements. Now we are getting to the nuts and bolts of a resolution – the plan. With each resolution, ask yourself, “What does the process look like to me?” If you can see it, you can do it. If your plan is fuzzy, the outcome may stay out of focus for a long time.

Any successful plan needs clear, measurable goals. For instants, let’s say I want to be less brash, (I hear the cheers) what does that look like to me. First, I need to identify what brash looks like to others, seeing my brashness is more offensive to them than it is to me. Be brave; ask them what kinds of things are offensive. Be prepared to hear things you won’t like. Remember that’s how change works, but if nothing changes – nothing changes.

Then I will have to monitor my behavior to see where I get myself in trouble. Do I say brash things when I’m upset or is it my sense of humor that hits people wrong? Tune in and pay attention to how people react. Once this is identified, I need to “own” my behavior, admit that I do it, without blaming others for my actions and reactions. This can be very painful and humbling, but worth the journey. Now comes the hard part, catching myself before engaging in the troublesome behavior.

Were you able to see the “parts” or steps to my resolution?

Step 1- What needs to be resolved? My brashness.

Step 2 – Do I care? My decision – yes, I care. I want to change in order to have better relationships.
Step 3 – Find consensus and support. I ask for people’s opinions – painful, but liberating.
Step 4 – Break it down into parts, so it’s not so overwhelming. For example: Q-What’s the first physical action I’m going to take, to move me from the problem to the solution? A-Only blurt out half the advice I want to say. In time I will work my way up to only giving advice when asked.

The first 30 days of a resolution are the most critical. It’s estimated that by January 2, more than half of the resolutions made on or before Jan 1, are broken. By January 3rd, another 10% will be abandoned and sad to say, by April 1st, 90 % of resolutions morph into half-hearted good intentions or regrets. It is vital to the success of any resolution to have clear measurable action steps in place during those first 30 days. In the immortal words ofThomas Jefferson, “Never put off tomorrow what you can do today.”The founding fathers of any nation had a huge resolution in front of them, follow in their “action steps” and change your world.

In a word, how do I see 2012? Resolutionary!

To your success!

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Kathryn Robbins, Certified Personality Trainer, Life Coach, Speaker and President of  Personality Principles LLC, who has helped hundreds of people find the missing pieces to their relationship issues, by understanding personality strengths, struggles and emotional needs. Kathryn is available for speaking and training events as well as private coaching sessions. Visit the website for more information www.personalityprinciples.com.
Take the FREE personality profile.

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Jaclyn Rowe is a Personality Expert and National Speaker.  Information on speaking topics and booking may be found at www.jaclynrowe.com.

REPRESENT

Point number one: Your reputation matters.  In professional environments we call this personal branding.  In family circles we call this the family name.  In church or spiritual environments we call this representation.  Regardless the angle, having a good name is valuable.

A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold. Proverbs 22:1

What others know about you, what others think about you, and what others think they know about you matters.  If I hear one more teenager say, “I don’t care what people think about me.”  I’m going to scream.  Not true.  Above all other people on planet earth, teenagers care, deeply, about what others think.  Ever heard of peer pressure?  And so do you and so do I.  Let’s not be so dishonest.

And here’s the thing, point number two: we should care.  A good name is to be chosen…

You have to want a good reputation and make choices that reflect that desire in order to make it happen.  Now, to be clear, I do not base my worldview, moral beliefs and standards on what others think.  However, I do think it is crucial for success and living a life of significance that I strive to develop into a woman of unquestionable character and integrity.  What I desire is that my reputation or my “personal brand” matches or lines up with what I claim to believe.  For example, what if I claim that I believe it is important for people to take good care of themselves physically, to eat right, to stay in shape, and to live a healthy lifestyle; and then you see me 100 pounds overweight and snacking on a coke and french fries?  You would think one of two things:  either I no longer believe what I claim or I am a hypocrite.  And in that moment, I have lost your respect and any ability I may have had to encourage you to believe and pursue a healthy lifestyle as well.

If we are going to make claims and state our beliefs it is crucial that we follow through.  Don’t even make the claim if you can’t back it up with your life.  If you want potential employers,  colleagues, even friends and family to respect you, to trust you and to care about what your ideas, then you need to present yourself in a way that matches your desires.

When I spoke to about 150 teen girls last week,  I focused on three areas that dramatically impact your reputation: modesty, manners and the mouth.

Like it or not, immodest dress sends so many wrong messages, it just isn’t worth it.  Cover up.

Manners such as saying please and thank you, sharing, taking turns, opening doors, going last, greeting people, knowing how to introduce yourself and others, etc. go a long way toward building trust with people.  Proper etiquette goes beyond just saying that you care about someone to actually showing it.  And we all know the saying, “actions speak louder than words.”  Or do they?

That brings me to the last focus area, your mouth.  This is a tough one for me because I genuinely like to talk and sometimes in speaking all those words, I say things I should not.  There is a Proverb that says, “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.” The ability to control your mouth and to speak only things that help or encourage is a powerful, beautiful skill.  As your mama used to say, “if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”  Good advice.

Personally, all of this comes together under an umbrella of understanding that my life is not about me.  (Note: Convincing teenagers – and many adults – that all of life is not about them is quite a task in and of itself and they are not likely to begin caring about modesty, manners or their mouth as long as they continue believing the world revolves around them.) Rather, I get it that I represent my business, my clients, my family, my community, my faith and my heavenly Father.  How I dress, how I treat other people, and how I speak not only reflects on me, but on them.

A good name is founded on a selfless attitude.

Reputation matters and we should care.

Are You at Peace?

For the first time, I have a child old enough to understand what is going on at Christmas time.  The last three years, he was just too young to really put all the pieces together, but this year he has been full of questions and excitement, much to my delight.  We have discussed all of the different parties we’ll attend, gifts we need to buy and cookies to bake.  We have marked the advent calendar for important dates and the countdown has been on!  He nervously told Santa want he wants – actually he panicked and repeated what his older cousin wants – and is eager to know when packages with his name are going to appear under the tree.  But, as I write this, he is napping and when he wakes I’ll be dressing him head to toe in a shepherd costume for our church Christmas program.   More important than anything else to me is that he understands, as best he can at barely age four, the purpose of Christmas.

I am so thrilled to have the opportunity to meet with a group of young women one hour every week to learn, grow and share.  The last three weeks, we have been examining the Purpose of Christmas using Rick Warren’s study by the same name.  It is a fantastic little book, study guide and DVD set.  I have been reminded and refreshed as we have taken a few minutes to reflect.  Here are the three purposes of Christmas as outlined in the book.

1) Celebration!  Bring on the parties!  When the angel appeared to the shepherds the night Jesus was born, the angel said “Fear not, for behold I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all people…”  Christmas is a time to be merry.  That is why I participate at full force, baking cookies, having guests, attending parties, dressing up, eating sweet treats, singing all kinds of Christmas songs, watching as many Hallmark movies and Christmas classics as possible, wrapping gifts, decorating and loving every minute!  (sing it with me now) …cel…e…brate good times…come on!  I would encourage those of you who are resisting the hype to go with it.  Christmas is about the fact that God loves us and came to earth to prove it.  If you have a relationship with God and have experienced the joy spiritual life brings day in and day out, you should have no problem celebrating!

2) Salvation! The angel continued…”for there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord….”  The second purpose of Christmas is salvation.

I know some readers found this blog because I frequently speak on the topics of personalities, leadership and entrepreneurship and you read for information on those topics.  I thank you!  However, before I was ever a speaker, author and personality trainer, I was a Christian or follower of Christ.  And Christmas is the perfect time to talk about it.  So, I would be a hypocrite and a liar to act like I think Christmas is just about spending money, gathering family and eating way too much.  For me, it truly is a special time of year and I MUST share.

I have no idea why you put up a tree.  I put up a tree and place a star on top because Christ was born.  Christ was born because we, the human race, need a Savior.  Someone to rescue us.  From what?  From ourselves.  From our messed up ideas and actions that leave us hurt, broken, empty, frustrated, confused, bitter and hopeless.  If you and I did not NEED a Savior, I hardly think God would have gone to all the trouble to come!  In one of the DVD’s Rick Warren put it this way, the solution to your problems is not in a program or a place or a pill, but in a person.  I have found that to be so true.  Without Christ, I would be nothing.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.  He gives my life purpose and I am so thankful to have a Savior.

3)Reconciliation! The end of the angel’s speech…”peace on earth, goodwill toward men.”  We hear that line all the time.  Did you know the Angel of the Lord is the one who said it to sheep herders who were out in a field the night Jesus was born?  Shepherds.  Seriously?  Why not appear to the authorities?  Alert the media!  God’s ways are not like ours.  Anyway, the third purpose of Christmas is peace or reconciliation. To quote from the Purpose of Christmas:

There will be no peace on earth until there is peace in nations.

There will be no peace in nations until there is peace in communities.

There will be no peace in communities until there is peace in families.

There will be no peace in families until there is peace in individuals.

There will be no peace in individuals until there is peace with God.

Are you at peace with God?  That is the ultimate question.  I’ll ask it again.  Are YOU at PEACE with God?

If you are not at peace with your creator, then I’ll go out on a limb here and say you are at war with Him.  You are fighting an internal battle and at the core of who you are, there is no peace.  You know it, and I know it because I have been there.

When Jesus, the Prince of Peace, grew up, He said, “I am the way, the truth and the life and no one comes to the Father except through me.”  Jesus was born so that we may have a way to be reconciled to God.  Jesus was born to lay down is life for you.  He took the punishment for the mess you have made.  He paid for it on the cross so that you could have peace with God.  This Christmas, the greatest gift you can receive is God’s grace.  Believe, have faith in what Christ has done and in who He is and you will find peace.

And then, “goodwill toward men.”  Reconcile to God first and then you can reconcile your differences with others.  Who do you need to make peace with in your family or amongst your friends?  Oh boy, that’s a tough one.  No better time than Christmas.

Hmmm…now this sounds like a topic on relationships.  More to come my friends….

Merry Christmas.

 

 

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the year…except when it’s not.

Personalities: the good, the bad, and the downright ugly

(excerpt from my monthly newsletter – November 2011)

If you have attended a Wired that Way training, then you may recall me saying that any strength you have, carried to the extreme, becomes a weakness.  I’d like to show you how people can quickly transform from Christmas angel into a person so difficult to deal with, you could scream.  Allow me to introduce you to each personality functioning in three different modes: the good, the bad and the ugly.  

The good

Popular or playful Sanguine will be the life of all your holiday parties.  Living in their strengths, they are much desired as party guests, are sure to entertain the crowd, contribute creative desserts and keep the mood light and joyful.  They love to go Christmas shopping, hang shiny objects from ceiling to floor and live to tell about it all.  Truly a magnetic person.

Perfect or Proper Melancholy is the best at making the holiday plans.  They make the lists and check them twice.  They are sure to schedule ahead, know how to get things done and thrive when working alone on their various projects.  Melancholies desire a perfect execution of their plans and are sensitive to making sure their gifts and ideas are truly meaningful.

Powerful Choleric thrives on all they are able to accomplish during such a busy season.  Their ability to make quick decisions serves them well when stores are crowded and the shopping list is long.  They are great at pulling things together on the fly while making it appear as though they have been planning for months.   

Peaceful Phlegmatic takes a more mellow approach to the holiday madness.  They view the season as a time to relax, eat, drink and be merry.  They don’t want to stress during a time when peace on earth should reign.  Their easygoing nature serves them well as they don’t tend to over-think gifts and are tuned into the reason for the season.  They are cooperative and pleasant at family gatherings, enjoying every minute as long as chaos is avoided and they aren’t forced to play attention-getting games.

The bad

When people have never been introduced to the personality topic, they are much more likely to function off balance in terms of strengths and weaknesses.  If their strengths were honed, you would be impressed, but instead they take their strengths a bit too far.  Carried away and lost in their own good intentions, some people begin behaving in ways that drive others crazy.  The annoying part is the complete lack of self-awareness which most people define as immaturity.  And so, the most wonderful time of the year takes a bad turn.

Popular or Playful Sanguine will often default into using the sheer charm and wit of their personality to get their way, control the conversation and skip holiday “chores”.  They talk too much, become too loud and too wild for some party guests.  Their love for shopping easily translates into irrational spending.  After Christmas, this personality often discovers shocking balances on their credit cards and will realize they spent way more than they originally intended.  

Perfect or Proper Melancholy may become paralyzed if their schedule is thrown off.  They want everything and everyone to be perfect.  Their entire focus can shift from the people whom they have planned for, to perfecting the tasks at hand.  Generally, their expectations go unmet and they are slightly, if not completely, disappointed.  So, they tend to avoid getting too personal and instead focus on physical needs and sticking to the plan.

Powerful Choleric takes over.  They categorize holidays as deadlines and will not wait for others to get with the program. They will decide for everyone what, when and how things should happen.  If you buck their authority, they will be mad at you regardless of the fact that many of their choices were made impulsively.  During the busy season of holiday preparation, they will work beyond the norm in order to accomplish more than should be humanly possible.  

Peaceful Phlegmatic gives up.  In order to avoid conflict and maintain peace, the phlegmatic will often compromise their standards and allow others to decide.  They hide their emotions and default to idleness giving the “I don’t care” or “whatever” answer for most everything.

The Ugly

This is how the cycle of bad behavior ruins your Christmas party. As people function outside of their natural strengths, (the bad) they begin to feel the weight of unmet emotional needs.  Why?  Well, who wants to offer praise to the out-of-control Sanguine? Who wants to applaud the Choleric who has become a drill Sergeant or the rigid  Melancholy who has everyone walking on egg shells? Who is going to respect the lazy, apathetic attitude of the phlegmatic?  No one.  And so, emotional needs go unmet, and bad behavior becomes downright ugly and you can no longer stand these people.

Now, the popular or playful sanguine is acting like a complete fool.  Because of their insecurities, they absolutely cannot stop talking and may even begin to model a con artist, scheming and plotting against their enemies.  They often become a true party animal in their quest to find acceptance, attention, affection and approval.

Ugly for the melancholy looks a whole lot like obsessed.  They become obsessed over every detail, nitpicking and criticizing continually.  Their negative attitude doesn’t exactly welcome friendly conversation, so they tend to withdraw and become antisocial.  All of this because they feel no one understands, nor could they.

The choleric’s ugly side is a mean one.  Their temper is ever present, easily set off and they become irrational.  Focused on power and control, they act like a dictator and will manipulate conversations and others’ feelings in order to win.  And, can you say WORKAHOLIC?

Out of control, the peaceful phlegmatic is extremely stubborn. They won’t budge, won’t make any decisions and they seemingly block out all feelings.  They easily become a pawn who feels completely disrespected and unworthy, and who deep down is harboring a ton of resentment.

Oh, my.  Does this really happen?  All the time.  I see it everywhere.  In families, businesses, churches, lines at the grocery store, you name it.  People are so out of touch with who they are and who they are meant to be, that they operate in total dysfunction.

Sometimes, I get there myself.

The key is self-awareness; understanding what needs to grow and what needs to go and then doing something about it.  I hope this Christmas, you will be aware of how your personality affects your perspective and that perhaps, that knowledge alone, will birth positive results.

Afterall, this is the most wonderful time of the year.

What is wrong with people?!

I have been traveling this week and am utterly amazed by how many people obviously hate their job and, more importantly, appear to hate people as well.  Ordering a meal from a fast food restaurant, I didn’t know whether I should laugh, cry or start lecturing the young lady attempting to take my order.  She was clearly unconcerned about how I felt about her or if I ever returned to that restaurant again.

A few months ago, I joined a teleconference call  hosted by a so-called professional in my industry who makes the big bucks.  After a long introduction which included all of this impressive credentials, he had my full attention and admiration.  I was taking notes like crazy, so thrilled with the opportunity to gain his insight.  And then, with regret in his voice, he decided to tell the listeners that the best way to get into this particular speaking market was to lie on our cover letters.  Just lie.  Really?  Red flags starting flying and the internal dialogue began in my mind…

Was any part of that amazing introduction of yours true?  Are you  really speaking from experience and giving us valuable insight, or am I now involved in a big marketing scheme designed to convince me to purchase whatever audio or e-book you will surely have for sale at the end of this call.  Hang up, Jaclyn.

And so, I did.

If you have a desire to influence the world around you in a positive way, then please — for heaven’s sake — pay attention to what I am about to say.  The way you present yourself to the world around you matters.  Your attitude, your dress, your behavior, your character, all of it matters.

If you can master the art of proper etiquette, you will set yourself apart from the crowd of rude and crude people.  If you can establish a solid personal brand that rings true, you will earn respect and become a person others want to follow.  And if you can back up your acts of etiquette and your attempts at creating a personal brand with the aggressive and continual development of genuine character; now that would really be something!

Here are the three layers described, beginning with the most shallow down to the nitty-gritty.

1) Proper Etiquette – Just be nice.  For whatever reason, manners have become a lost art.  Many people, often it seems those working in public service, are painfully bad at using good manners.  I personally thank my mother and Grandma Beverly for teaching me to say “please” and “thank you” and to take turns and to smile and to do my best to make others feel comfortable.  And then, I thank Sue Thompson, the author of etiquettedog.com, a blog on the subject.  I met Sue years ago at a conference, and when she spoke I realized how true and how important behavior, image and presentation really are, regardless of how we feel about it.

Did you know there is a right way to present your business card, to introduce yourself and others, to write and send e-mails, to eat, to make conversation, to set a table, etc.?  Etiquette is not just an art, but a science that yields results.  People learn quickly to trust you and your business when you consistently practice proper etiquette.  And, the ironic part, since very few people still do, you easily set yourself up as the example.

2) Personal Branding – Who do others think you are?  Your personal brand is basically your reputation or what is left in the room when you leave.  You can easily determine your current personal brand by asking people what words they would use to describe you.  The four or five words you hear most represent your brand.  Scary thought?  The key to branding is getting people to say about you what you want them to say about you.  Now, here is the ironic thing about branding:  a few years ago, we wore different faces.  At work, we put on our work face and did the work thing.  At school, we put on the student face and the two could look very different.  For example, someone may have been a real jerk of a student and a great employee.  However, technology and this crazy thing called social media has changed all that.  You can no longer be different people in one body.  (I don’t recommend that anyway. How exhausting.)  You are you, period.

People who are business and life savvy, are the same regardless of where they are physically or online.  If you want a strong personal brand, the facebook “you” should match the work, student, mom, daughter, church worker, whatever, “you”.  As a rule of thumb, especially if you are an entrepreneur, young person or an out-of-a-job person, if you wouldn’t put it on your resume or job application, then don’t put it on the world wide web.  Protect your reputation, therby protecting your brand.

P.S. – For years I spoke for Monster.com, and one thing I’ll never forget learning and presenting to students is that employers work really hard and spend a ton of money developing their brand and company image.  The last thing they want to do is hire an employee who will taint that image.  So, if your image doesn’t really match up with theirs, forget it.

3) Character:  who you are when no one is looking.  Your personal brand may be who others think you are, but your character reveals the truth about who you are.  My pastor recently said, “character is who God and your spouse know you are.”  Without solid character, it won’t be long before the truth about how you fake etiquitte and present a fake image will surface.

Remember, you were not born with perfect character.  Think about how your sweet little baby decided one day to smack you in the face, and a couple years later lie to you about who put the doll in the toilet.  Did you teach them those things?  Of course not.  We are born messed up.  Character must be developed through conscious decision making andaction.

A few years ago, I was introduced to a children’s character development book entitled, “Eight Keys to a Better Me.”  In the book, eight character traits are listed: Honesty, Respect, Patriotism, Kindness, Courage, Responsibility, Feelings and Self-Worth.  While written for children, I realized they still applied to me.  Which ones do you truly possess and which ones need some work?

The girl taking my order at Captain D’s severely lacked etiquette, represented the brand of her employer terribly, and therefore, I assumed — right or wrong —  she was lacking in character.  The “professional” hosting the teleconference clearly knew and applied proper etiquette and was a master at personal branding; I had cleared my calendar for this call and had a credit card ready!  However, he lacked character.  See, it takes a whole person who is real, authentic and full of purpose to truly make a positive impact.

As the new year approaches, I am taking time to examine myself, again, and see what else needs transformed.  I’m re-studying the timeless principles of etiquette, working weekly on establishing a solid personal brand and daily on developing the weaknesses in my character.  Transformation is tough.

So, to answer my own question, what is wrong with people?! We don’t want to look in the mirror and examine ourselves.  We don’t really want to change because we see don’t want to have to admit we are flawed, wrong, or messed up.  We don’t want to say, “I need to change this,” much less actually do it.

Listen — be ye transformed.

Economic Feast or Famine: How to prepare for both.

This post is for entrepreneurs or those who work in small business.  Last weekend, I had the opportunity to speak for the Center for Innovation and Entrepreneurship at the Women Inspiring Entrepreneurship conference, and I was asked to speak on this topic.

My goal in posting this is two-fold: 1) to recap for the audience who attended and 2) to share some valuable ideas that will help business owners make progress regardless of the economy.

As I told the audience on Saturday, my father is Mr. Entrepreneur himself.  He and I have had countless conversations about business, and most of what I know about business comes from him and his vast experiences.

First, allow me to define a feast as a season of great sales and growth when the money is flowing and life is good. During such a time there are a few things you should do and keep in mind in preparation for the famine.

1) Feasts are always short term.  Generally, the market will not let you feast long.  The markets will catch up via a competitor or supply and your season of feast will end.  This should not surprise you.

2) Don’t get carried away.  Often, companies are so excited during a time of feast, they make poor long term decisions.  For example, they serve contracts to new hires, expand their operations, move to larger buildings and ultimately create more overhead.  When the feast subsides, these companies find themselves in big trouble.

3) Stash your cash.  When cash flow is good, make sure you save some.  Save enough to carry your business through at least 6-12 months of famine.

4) Maximize all investments.  Employees, buildings, equipment, supplies, inventory, etc. are all investments.  During a time of feast, rather than expanding, creatively maximize the use of every tool in your belt.

5) Value your leads.  It is easy to let potential sales leads slip through the cracks when you are busy and “busy” does not even begin to describe the time of feasting.  Remember to make time to follow up even when it feels like you don’t need too.

6) Keep your books.  As a small business owner, you are probably the accountant.  Again, busyness is not a good excuse for falling behind on your records.  It is a huge headache to back track. Trust me.

7)  Push to the limit.  Because it won’t last, milk the feast for all its worth!

8)  Renegotiate your deals.  If you need to refinance or re-negotiate a contract, do it while your numbers are in the black and that balance sheet is looking good.

Now, for the famine.  Allow me to define famine as the opposite of the feast.  Here are a few tips for handling a season of drought.

1) Don’t panic.  We have all been there.

2) Do react. Immediately.  Do not sit and wait, hoping for a big break.  As soon as you recognize the slump, adjust your costs.    If you keep paying out and spending as if nothing has changed, it won’t be long that you are in big financial trouble.

3)  Get creative.  You will need to cut costs while performing a new marketing strategy.  Technology gives us a huge advantage and many ways to promote our businesses for FREE.  You may have to learn some new skill sets, but if the money is not there it is not there.

4)  Communicate with your employees.  Make sure your employees understand your plan for adjusting costs and why it is necessary, preferably BEFORE cuts are required.  In small business, employees must understand there are no guarantees and that employment is sales based.  It is not personal.  It is entrepreneurship.

5)  It’s all YOU.  Depending on the size of your business, you may become the one man or one woman show during a time of famine.  It’s okay.  It is healthy to spend time in the P.I.T….a.k.a…Putting In Time…for no pay.

6)  Maximize downtime.  Because you aren’t nearly as busy, use your time wisely and get some of the not-so-fun things done that have been on the back burner.  Spend time doing research, brainstorming, or setting new goals.

7) Know your out.  As an entrepreneur, don’t expect a bailout.  Have a plan and strategy for exiting your business, whether it be to sell the business, sell the inventory, find a partner, etc.  Networking is key.  Never burn bridges.

GROW YOURSELF SOME ROOTS!

There once was a soy bean farmer who was interviewed for his great harvest.  Despite difficult growing conditions, he had managed to cash in a remarkable load.  When asked about his success the old farmer replied, “well, my plants have deep roots.”  The reporter, a bit disappointed by his answer, went on to ask him why that was so significant.  The farmer went on to explain that when a soy bean plant gets too much water, the roots never have a reason to grow.  They remain shallow and at the first sign of drought or strong winds, they won’t produce fruit or are uprooted and blow away.  However, a good soy bean plant, when hit with a season of little rain, will stretch out its roots in search of water.  The deeper and stronger those roots, the better the harvest.  The old farmer was thankful for the dry spells.  He knew the dry spells, in the end, had brought about a great harvest.

Have you ever been in a dry spell?  You know, that sickening feeling that comes during those seasons of procrastination, frustration, exhaustion, etc. Times when you feel like you are in a funk and you wouldn’t see the upside if it smacked you in the face.  Plain ‘ole worn out.  We all experience times when we are not at our best.  We know we can do better, we know we were made for more, but we are just stuck.

May I challenge you to dig deep if you are there.  Stretch out your roots in search of some life-giving water!

I am learning to be thankful for the rough weeks.  Weeks when my kids won’t sleep, the laundry is piling up, the workload is heavy and my time is too short.  It is during those weeks that my God brings me to my knees and I am forced to realize I cannot do it all.  But, He can.  I need power and wisdom that only exists through HIM.  And because of that realization, I dig deep.  I stretch my mind and fill it with knowledge.  I allow God to search my heart and to show me what a mess I’ve made.  And the result?  Roots grow. Spiritual, emotional, mental roots that reach the water, the source of abundant and fruitful  life.

I want to be anchored deep to that source.

These verses have so encouraged and motivated me this week…

Jeremiah 17:5-8 (emphasis mine)

Thus says the Lord: Cursed is the man who trusts in manand makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord.  For he shall be like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see when good comes, but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land which is not inhabited.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord.  For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes; but its leaf will be green, and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit.

Grow yourself some roots.

Personality Run-down

I was sixteen years old when I was first introduced to the topic of personalities. I remember thinking, “why hasn’t anyone told me this before now?!” I had no idea people were actually born with a personality that affected nearly every area of their life and that they actually could not help how they were wired. I just thought people should try to be more like me.

After a few years to mature, I have realized how important it is to understand, accept and appreciate differences in people. It actually is possible to view differences as something other than flaws.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to present personalities to teens at the Missouri Community Betterment conference in Jefferson City. These youth are actively involved in their communities. Based on their feedback, they now have some insight and tools that will help them better understand themselves and manage key relationships in a more productive way.

Here is a brief description of each personality type, followed by the most crucial element; the emotional needs associated with each.

Popular Sanguine (Yellow) – This personality is fun. These loud and hyper active types are the life of any party. Full of ideas, stories and a desire to make things exciting, they bring life to their communities. As the world’s natural cheerleaders, they have the ability to persuade people through sheer charm and funnies. They live a very curious and spontaneous lifestyle. Warning: if always talking, the sanguine is probably not listening and because they always want to make people happy, the tend to get in over their heads. They have a hard time saying no and are not the best at follow through. Realize this personality needs fun and adventure.

Perfect Melancholy (Blue) – This personality is the complete opposite of the Sanguine. They are quiet, scheduled and extremely detail conscious. Their desire is to do things the right way and they have very high expectations. They are deep thinkers and great planners who follow the rules. Warning: because they want everything to be perfect, they can be very hard to please and may withdraw when things do not turn out right. Flexibility does not come easily for this personality and they may get lost in the details. Realize this personality needs order and understanding.

Powerful Choleric (Red) – The Powerful Choleric is exactly that…powerful. Never entering a room unnoticed, these movers and shakers will do whatever it takes to get the job done. They are natural leaders who are good at giving instruction and motivating people to action. These productive people are always in project mode. Warning: they may become too overpowering and are quick to acquire a reputation for being bossy, demanding and terrible listeners. Realize the powerful choleric needs action and excitement.

Peaceful Phlegmatic (Green) – The Peaceful Phlegmatic is the exact opposite of the Powerful Choleric. They are laid back, easy to get along with and great at making other people feel comfortable and like they belong. As the calm and steady support person, the phlegmatic is good at finding common ground and not overreacting to negative situations. Warning: Phlegmatics struggle with being disciplined and are indecisive. They may come across as too low-key or lazy and appear to be unenthusiastic about most things. Realize they need rest and some quiet time to recharge.

Now here is the key: Adjust your communication and behavior to meet the emotional needs tied to each personality and be amazed at the change in your relationships. Here are the emotional needs:

Sanguine: Attention from all
Affection (physical touch)
Approval of every deed
Acceptance “as is”

Melancholy: Sensitivity to their feelings
Understanding
Space to be alone
Silence (no people)

Choleric: Loyalty from the troops
Sense of Control
Appreciation for all their hard work
Accomplishment/Achievement

Phlegmatic: Peace and quiet
Feelings of Worth
Lack of Stress
Respect for who they are not what they do

Fore more information on personalities and to take a FAST and FREE online personality profile, visit www.personalityprinicples.com.

Also, if you’d like more teaching on the personalities, sign up for my FREE monthly newsletter at www.jaclynrowe.com/contact.html.

SOWING SEEDS FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

Just for a moment, reflect on the key relationships in your life.  Perhaps your thinking of a spouse, child, in-law, sibling, parent, co-worker, boss, ministry partner, volunteer co-worker or others.  How would you describe the state of those relationships?  Perhaps they are all terrific.  Or, perhaps you are honest and you recognize some of them are…well…not so great.

I hope you are convinced that you need solid, healthy relationships in order to accomplish all that God has intended for you.  We are not people islands.  We co-exist and we are made for community and companionship. If you have trouble believing or admitting the truth as it relates to your need for relationships, just stop here and spend a few days pondering the thought.

Now, I don’t know about you, but I am no gardener…at all.  However, I do know from the few times I have planted things around my home that not all plant life is the same.  Different seeds require different amounts of sunlight, water and nutrients in order to grow and thrive.  Relationships are the same way.  All relationships take work, but not all relationships are the same.  As we live and work and minister with people who are different from us, it is crucial that we understand what makes other people laugh, cry, withdrawl, participate, listen, speak-up, etc.  I don’t know about you, but I want to be able to pull the absolute best out of people and on the flip side, I want them to bring out the best in me.

So…how?  Where do we start or start over.  Well, start by knowing your seed.  You would not plant a green bean seed if your desire is grow soy beans and you would not plant a sunflower in an area that receives nothing but dark shade.  To be successful, you would read some information, talk to the experts, and make sure you know your seed and what it needs to thrive.

In terms of relationships, if you want to be successful you, and I, need to spend some time educating ourselves and getting to know the people to whom we are the closest.  We need to know what makes each individual tick and what ticks them off.  For me, one tool I use and have studied extensively is personality profiling.  Understanding the four basic personalities or temperaments has given me a platform, or a place to begin with people.  Knowing this information has caused me to take a step back when I meet someone and consider their perspective, it has taught me to respond rather than react, and I am learning more and more to genuinely appreciate our differences.

In a couple of days, I’ll be sending out my FREE monthly personality newsletter that will explain how we often appear to be the same, but for entirely different reasons.  For example, two people may both be organized, but for completely different reasons because of their personality.  Often, people misjudge their personality or that of others because of one or two behaviors that seem the same.  The key is to understand motives and perspectives.  If you are interested…the sign up is fast and easy.  Just click here: www.jaclynrowe.com/contact.html

Accepting the Challenge

Last week I had the opportunity to be the keynote speaker for Missouri Community Betterment at their 48th annual awards luncheon in Jefferson City, MO.  I spoke on the topic of accepting the challenge of community leadership.

I’m sure many of you are in positions of leadership — volunteer leadership — in your communities, churches, etc.  It can be exhausting to keep things moving and to keep people happy.  Here is a summary of the tips I shared with them to help L.I.V.E. out the call to lead.

L – Let IT go.  If you are known as an over-achiever, you probably have way too much on your plate.  If you are the one who always gets sucked in because you can’t say no, you probably have too much on your plate.  If you want to be a successful leader who knows how to keep your sanity, you are going to have to prioritize and LET GO of things that do not line up with your values.  The only way to do this is to really know yourself.  What is most important to you?  What is it, exactly, that you are trying to accomplish? Anything that does not line up needs to go.

IT can also be anything that holds you back or hinders your ability to perform the tasks you desire to accomplish.  For example, you may need to let go of a negative relationship, unrealistic expectations, a past hurt, a past failure or a false identity about who you are and what you can do.  Let it go and move on.

I – Invite joy in.  If you have been in charge of any group of volunteers, you know that at some point you just need to laugh.   If you don’t learn to laugh at the small things, and sometimes the big things, you will certainly cry or maybe knock someone out!  Joy is contagious.  A good attitude and positive responses to questions and concerns will go a long way.  But, to create that kind of environment, you must deliberately choose to be joyful.  It is not always easy when the rain is coming and you’ve spent a year planning an outdoor event!  By the way, notice I am saying joyful instead of happy.  When I was in college, my older sister taught me this concept, “happy moves.”  We always think we will be happy when…fill in the blank.  So, we work hard to get whatever it is we think will make us happy and then “happy” moves to something else.  Joy is a constant, deep emotion that comes from God in us and exists despite circumstances.  Invite joy into your life.

V –  Value your relationships.  As I said at the luncheon, I could sit on this principle all day.  Success demands solid and growing relationships.  You cannot get to where you want to go in terms of life goals, ministry goals or community goals, without the support, wisdom and talents of other people.  Do the people who work with you, who follow you, know how much you value them?  When was the last time you thanked them, sincerely, for their efforts and praised their individual talents, gifts or strengths?  Christian speaker and author Beth Moore said in a recent message, “no one has a WEE calling, but everyone has a WE calling.”  What God wants to do through you is not possible without other people.  We are capable of so much more together. Our vision and our goals should always be far beyond our own reach.  Value your relationships.

E – Embrace your place.  I think in leadership it is always important to know your role and to stay there.  Successful leaders recognize their circle of influence.  You are in a certain position or season of life for a reason. Personally, my husband and I are raising two toddlers.  This season of my life will pass so quickly.  Do I really want to miss it because I wasn’t willing to slow down and embrace my place as a wife and mother?  Priorities and the willingness to embrace where God has placed you is so important for your stress level and your effectiveness.

Also, embracing your place means learning self-awareness.  Do you know you?  Do you know how God has wired you?  Understanding personality, strengths, struggles and emotional needs is so important to being able to embrace your place.  Nothing is worse than when you are working with someone who is trying to function outside of who they are naturally.  When we try to be someone we are not it is exhausting for us and for everyone else.  Do what you can do and do it well.  Embrace your place.

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.”  Ecclesiastes 9:10

Over 300 million people in our nation, nearly 6 million in my home state of Missouri in 114 counties and in my town of 2600 people I have one shot to make a difference.  We don’t get this life back.  Accept the challenge and L.I.V.E. up to the call to lead.